Dear Dr. Johnson,
After my first year in my master’s program, I feel self-conscious about my intellect and embarrassed by my mistakes in class. Sometimes, when I ask questions I believe are insightful, professors misunderstand and respond as if I’m asking something simpler, which is discouraging.
Although I’m not the top student, I consider myself intelligent and hardworking. I plan to do additional background reading to improve my reputation with my professors because I want to go on to do a doctorate. However, I’m worried it might be too late since we’ll have fewer classes next year.
Friends have told me I lack confidence when I speak, making others question my knowledge. They also told me that because I’m an attractive woman and in a male-dominated STEM field, I might face biases about my abilities. Knowing this affects my confidence, creating a feedback loop that worsens perceptions of me, and I don’t know how to break it.
This situation is increasingly troubling, especially since I think my undergrad professor exaggerated my abilities in a recommendation letter and I may have overrepresented myself in my personal statement. This makes me question if I truly deserve to be here, as others seem so much smarter.
Is this impostor syndrome or should I be concerned I’m really not cut out for a doctorate?
– Feeling like an Impostor
From Dr. Vicki Johnson:
Many people feel the same way you do in graduate school but it might not seem that way because few people admit it aloud. Your feelings are normal, so try not to find reasons to question your intellect and competence.
Even if you feel that your undergraduate professor and you may have exaggerated your abilities in your application, selection committees are well-trained in sniffing out exaggerations. You had at least 1-2 other recommendation letters, a transcript, an academic CV and likely other short answer responses and essays, which were all used to determine your readiness for graduate school. Given the competitiveness of graduate school today, if you weren’t academically qualified, you would not be there, believe me!
So now it’s time to take steps to improve your confidence and this can be done by practicing and honing the wide variety of skills that you have.
I suggest starting with public speaking. Join a debate team or local Toastmaster’s Club to gain more public speaking experience. Challenge yourself to speak up in class and amongst friends. The only way to get better at speaking is through consistent practice.
Also, find low-stakes ways to practice your research skills and expand your knowledge through volunteerism, internships and fellowships. At ProFellow.com, we list a wide range of summer fellowships in our free database. I recommend applying to fellowships in STEM but also fellowships outside of STEM. Gaining skills in other topics like journalism, public policy, and international affairs can help you bring new ideas and perspectives to your classroom discussions.
You may lack female role models in your Department, which for many women is a barrier to career advancement. Therefore, you’ll need to be extra resourceful to find women mentors within and outside your university. This can also be done by joining extracurricular activities on campus and joining professional and academic associations like Women in Data Science Worldwide which hold virtual and in-person events for networking.
Finally, I recommend reading books that can help you in your personal development. Some of my favorites include The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks, Permission to Speak by Samara Bay, and Machiavelli for Women by Stacey Vanek Smith.
Be honest with your friends and peers about the feelings you are having. You might find others will open up about the challenges they are facing and you won’t feel so isolated in this journey. Best wishes, I am rooting for your success!
Dr. Vicki Johnson is the Founder and Director of ProFellow, the world’s leading online resource for professional and academic fellowships. She is a four-time fellow, top Ph.D. scholar, Fulbright recipient, and an award-winning social entrepreneur. She is the creator of the Fully Funded Course and Mentorship Program, which helps graduate school applicants enter top graduate schools with funding awards.
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