Dear Dr. Johnson,
I’ve noticed that most advice about landing jobs, including yours, emphasizes networking—introducing yourself to people who could help you get a job or opportunity. But to be honest, networking feels dirty to me.
I want to build meaningful relationships that arise genuinely through shared interests or mutual support—not because I’m trying to get ahead. Approaching people with a goal of getting a job feels transactional, even manipulative, and it doesn’t sit right with me.
Is it possible to build authentic relationships that help me advance my career without feeling like I’m using people? Or is this discomfort just something I need to work through in order to get ahead?
– Uncomfortable
From Dr. Vicki Johnson:
I know networking might seem like you are “using people”, but as you said, real relationships arise through a desire to share interests or mutual support. So what if you went into every networking opportunity with the intention to do just that – share interests and offer mutual support?
Networking is simply the act of building a network. Your network is everyone you know and have met through work, school, events, and volunteer and social activities, including your friends and family. You add people to your network whenever you meet new people. For example, when you participate in a social activity, like a group bike ride, and a friend invites someone new who you have never bet before, don’t you introduce yourself and ask them a few things like where they’re from and how long they have been biking, to help them feel comfortable and included in the group? Of course you do – and that’s networking!
You now know someone new, and that person may be linked to an opportunity you desire in the future. But likewise, you might be linked to an opportunity they desire in the future. There is mutual benefit to every relationship.
Networking does not need to be a manipulative activity. You can network with a mindset of service to others.
For example, let’s say you see a dream job posted at an organization that you are not connected to. On LinkedIn, you notice that the hiring manager, named Elizabeth, is a 2nd connection to you because you have a mutual contact, John, a friendly colleague from a role you had two years ago. Your goal is to land that job and you know that getting an introduction to Elizabeth could help you get noticed. This is also a great chance to reconnect with John, who is part of your network. So you check in with John and express genuine interest in how he is doing and what he is up to. You can – and should – cut right to the chase and say you are reaching out because you would be interested in how well they know Elizabeth and if they are open to introducing you because of a dream role she is offering. Tell John you hope to return the favor in the future if there is an opportunity to support them – and mean it! Networking in this way does not need to be purely selfish and transactional – you can find ways to be genuine and supportive in your outreach.
The same goes for cold introductions. If you would like to meet with someone to get insights on a job opportunity they are connected to, be prepared with specific questions and ask only for a brief meeting. If they are the person hiring for the role, tell them how you would like to make an impact at their organization – that is your offer of support! If they are someone who is just connected in some way to the opportunity, tell them you hope to return the favor if there is an opportunity to support them in the future.
Everyone should be thinking about how your networking-based asks are mutually beneficial. There is always a way to support someone else, and sometimes, it is just a matter of asking how you can be supportive.
Dr. Vicki Johnson is Founder and Director of ProFellow, the world’s leading online resource for selective career advancement opportunities including fellowships, top graduate programs and accelerators. She is a four-time fellow, an award-winning social entrepreneur, and a national speaker and trainer on how to stand out in the competitions of our careers.
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